Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Yes We Can

Today, I sat at a computer completely transfixed while watching history be made. I've struggled to find the reason why this inaugaration is different and the only thing I can come up with is Change. Ushering in Obama as our 44th President signifies youth, hope, unification, and change.

As I lay in bed last night, a thought struck me. There is a fundamental difference between my generation and my children's generation. As a teenager (same age as the Drama Queen), I couldn't fathom the idea of a black man and a woman competing for a presidental nomination. I saw the carnage that a female vice president wreaked on Walter Mondale. I have to admit that it was beyond my comprehension that this day would arrive. As I sat in awe seeing all the "old school" candidates drop out (ie: white males) and watched it come down to the wire between Hillary and Barrack, I knew I was witnessing history. To me, it was akin to what those in the 60's must have felt watching the civil rights movements and see the integration of the blacks. To my children, it was just the way it was. It wasn't a question for them of if could happen but why couldn't it happen. That is the moment I realized just how important this election was.

I watched on election night as polls closed and votes came in to see Barrack take state after state, I realized how much our country and our people needed this. This became not an issue of a black president, but of a young, new leader who had the power to energize a nation with his words. The power to remind us that it is not an issue of black or white, woman or man but an issue of American people stepping up to the plate to do what we can to affect change. I sat and watched my 13 year old daughter intently watching the television, so excited about an election, not because of the barriers that have been broken but because she too felt inspired by Obama and realized his message is meant and understood by all ages, race, sexes, and religions.

I, for one, am excited by all the barriers that have been broken throughout this election. Woman or man, black or white, old or young no longer matters. Having the power to unite and compel a people through your words, having the skill to speak convincingly and inspire a nation, giving us all hope for a better and brighter tomorrow is what it should be about.

Monday, January 19, 2009

PSA Number 2

Alternately entitled, why birth control is a GOOD GOOD thing.

How long does puberty last in girls? Oh that's right, it starts and birth and ends sometime around the time they birth their first demon spawn girl child. Then, they start calling their mother's and apologizing for every shitty thing they've ever done to them. At that point, their mother laughs and tells them they deserve it. Not that I speak from experience or anything.

I always wanted a boy first and now I know why. I used to think it had to do with wanting an older brother who would be so cool and look after me, now I know its because if I'd had a girl first, I would have ripped out my own reproductive organs to prevent any further births.

The Drama Queen might not make it to 14 at the rate she's going and her birthday is in April. Hell, I might not make it to 37 at the rate she's going and MY birthday's in April too.

Apparently, at age 13, these things become your right:

1. Unlimited phone use
2. Unlimited computer use
3. Ability to ignore chores
4. Ability to roll eyes at anything parent's say
5. Ability to not only talk back to your mother but yell at her
6. Ability to act like a total snotbag
7. Ability to ignore any and all rules that you do not like

I missed this section of my parenting handbook, I think the parent's before me removed the chapter as some kind of karmic joke. Well, I'm not laughing. I'm thinking that Prozac is good - not for me, but for her. She gets me so mad to the point that I want to strangle her like those stress dolls until her eyes pop out. Some of you out there might be nodding along in agreement and some of you (either still with young girls or better yet, no girls at all) might be shaking your head in horror. I say, if you think you can do better, leave me a comment with your mailing address and I'll send her along!

I try to have sympathy - oh how I try since I remember those days myself. The days of knowing you are being a rag yet being unable to change it. The days of tears being just a eye blink away. I remember. Yet, when I get the monkey wailing at a pitch loud enough that only the neighborhood dogs can hear it, I lose any sense of sympathy.

So, help me! I need advice on how to survive raising a teenage daughter and surviving. I know it can be done - after all I'm here and my mom made it through. I'm scared to ask her in case there isn't a magic formula. The only good thing about this is I'm a redhead and they don't tend to go gray as early! :D

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


I love Mary Catherine Gallagher. So, even though the show is really called Superstars of Dance, I always pronounce it as Supahstah in my best Mary Catherine Gallagher voice and then sniff my armpit fingers.

Moving on....

The Dancing Drama Queen and I have been watching this show and there is one itty bitty tiny thing about it that bothers the living fuck out of me:

Dear Michael Flattely -

You are NOT Irish. You were born in and raised in Chicago. Yes, I realize that there are a lot of Irish Americans in Chicago. Yes, I realize you are one of the best Irish step dancers there is. However, that does NOT give you the right to be the host of this show and talk throughout the whole show with an Irish accent. It bothers me and I must insist you stop. If you don't, I might be forced to come and pull a Tonya Harding on your Nancy Kerrigan ass. Don't fuck with me, fake Irish boy, as I'm a Irish American from New England area (ehhh, close enough to Boston for arguements sake) and we all know that the Boston Irish can and will kick ass.

Erin Go Bragh, motherfucker!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Shaggy's Library Trip

What happens when you send your 17 year old son to the library to pick up books for you? Books that you wrote the titles and author down for. Books that you made all by one author to make it easy for him?

You are seeing that correctly, those are LARGE print books.

When I asked him why he got me large print, his response was, "Those were the first set of shelves."

Thanks, Shaggy, thanks a bunch! As if having a high school senior didn't make me feel old enough!

Friday, January 2, 2009

2009 And I Still Suck

All of you readers (**knock knock - there are readers out there, right? I know Sasha still pops in and Anonymous is STILL commenting on the Crapabees post so here must be at least 2**) may have noticed that my usual lack of posts has become much longer lately. So, yeah, I suck.

I suck at commenting lately. I suck at posting lately. I just suck.

I've had stuff to say but it just hasn't seemed to want to travel to my fingers. I lay in bed at night and think back through the day and think, I should have posted about that. Then, when I wake up in the morning, its gone. Whatevs, I'm getting old.

I had this brilliant idea that I'd start off 2009 by posting something each day. Hell, this is more of way to document what a shitty parent I am and something that proves that happens at least once a day. But, here it is, already January 2nd and I've screwed that up.

I could have posted how I fell asleep Christmas Eve and almos forgot to have Santa visit. I could have posted how our front yard has become a deer graveyard. I could have posted about stealing a case of Coke from Wal-Mart. I haven't done any of those things. So, yeah, I suck.

I could have taken pictures of how the Demon Spawn decided to decorate herself with a pen and liquid eyeliner but I didn't. I could have posted pictures of how she has decided clothing is optional and is perpetually naked.

Instead, I've spent the last few weeks (months??) lounging in front of the TV. I've been comtemplating what makes a good blog as I've been reading my usuals and wondering what my voice is. What's my hook? What's my angle?

Apparently, its just to suck. And I'm succeeding!