Monday, January 19, 2009

PSA Number 2

Alternately entitled, why birth control is a GOOD GOOD thing.

How long does puberty last in girls? Oh that's right, it starts and birth and ends sometime around the time they birth their first demon spawn girl child. Then, they start calling their mother's and apologizing for every shitty thing they've ever done to them. At that point, their mother laughs and tells them they deserve it. Not that I speak from experience or anything.

I always wanted a boy first and now I know why. I used to think it had to do with wanting an older brother who would be so cool and look after me, now I know its because if I'd had a girl first, I would have ripped out my own reproductive organs to prevent any further births.

The Drama Queen might not make it to 14 at the rate she's going and her birthday is in April. Hell, I might not make it to 37 at the rate she's going and MY birthday's in April too.

Apparently, at age 13, these things become your right:

1. Unlimited phone use
2. Unlimited computer use
3. Ability to ignore chores
4. Ability to roll eyes at anything parent's say
5. Ability to not only talk back to your mother but yell at her
6. Ability to act like a total snotbag
7. Ability to ignore any and all rules that you do not like

I missed this section of my parenting handbook, I think the parent's before me removed the chapter as some kind of karmic joke. Well, I'm not laughing. I'm thinking that Prozac is good - not for me, but for her. She gets me so mad to the point that I want to strangle her like those stress dolls until her eyes pop out. Some of you out there might be nodding along in agreement and some of you (either still with young girls or better yet, no girls at all) might be shaking your head in horror. I say, if you think you can do better, leave me a comment with your mailing address and I'll send her along!

I try to have sympathy - oh how I try since I remember those days myself. The days of knowing you are being a rag yet being unable to change it. The days of tears being just a eye blink away. I remember. Yet, when I get the monkey wailing at a pitch loud enough that only the neighborhood dogs can hear it, I lose any sense of sympathy.

So, help me! I need advice on how to survive raising a teenage daughter and surviving. I know it can be done - after all I'm here and my mom made it through. I'm scared to ask her in case there isn't a magic formula. The only good thing about this is I'm a redhead and they don't tend to go gray as early! :D


Sasha said...

I obviously have no idea, but wanted to throw you out a "Good Luck!" and take notes so I'll know what to do later!

Kate said...

Sasha - Thanks for the good luck - if I learn the secret, I will definitely pass it along to you but I'm thinking it has something to do with these two words - BOARDING SCHOOL!

Anonymous said...

сиськи студенток
открытый порно канал
sms xxx бесплатные порно ролики
порнуха без смсок
секс сыктывкара
порно видео униформ
голые азиатки порно
mtv звезда стриптиза видео
порноролики беспланые
жесткое порно толстых

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.