Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Discipline - Third Child Style

Our littlest little demon princess is almost 20 months old and we've already determined the following:

1. I was correct on the puberty theory in girls (you can read the theory under the post of Fuck You Hormones)
2. Your third child definitely gets away with more
3. Little kids are funny

We've really been trying to work on discipline with her because....well because she's bad! She's stubborn and determined and like most toddlers, no is her favorite word. Except she really means no. We've already been having some major battle of the wills.

We've been employing the time out method of discipline with her. I've even gone all Nanny Jo on her and give her a warning (If you don't do X, then you will go to time out) and an explaination after the time out. Sure she's sorry when she gets out, but she usually goes right back to doing whatever it was that earned her the time out in the first place.

Saturday took the cake though. There were some boxes of Kleenex on our recliner that Hubby hadn't quite gotten around to putting away. She thought it would be a really fun game to throw them around. I told her no and to pick them up. She looked at me and laughed. Yes, you read that right - laughed. So, I told her that if she didn't pick them up by the time I counted to 3, she was going in time out. She laughed again.

At this point, I was feeling my hairs turning gray.

In an effort to stay consistent, I gritted my teeth and said, "One". Abby's response??? "Two, Free" followed by wild giggling. After I picked my jaw up from the shock that my 19 month old baby knows how to count (to five no less!) I couldn't help but laugh. What are you supposed to do with a child that does their own count down?

She did finally pick up the tissues.

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Streets Are NOT Safe

If you live in Nebraska or ever intend to be in the vicinity of Nebraska (and come on, who doesn't plan that as the road trip of a life time!?) stay away from our house. The streets of Bellevue, Nebraska are officially no longer safe as my son is the proud new owner of an official driver's license. God Help Us All!

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Curse of the BamGino

Have I mentioned that I'm a die hard Sox fan? Have I mentioned my hatred of the Yankees? Have I mentioned how much the news story this weekend made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants?

The Yankees/Red Sox rivalry is one of the oldest and best rivalries in Sports. It is certainly one of the most rabid. The Yankees got to revel in the Curse of the Bambino for 86 years. You know those Yankee fans were cheering and taunting every single time those farking Yankees beat the Sox. Apparently, they cannot take a dose of their own medicine.

In the latest chapter of the rivalry, The Curse of the Jersey (doesn't that sound like a Nancy Drew mystery?), or what I like to call the Curse of the BamGino, a loyal Sox fan got his chance to work some Red Sox Voodoo on those hated Yankees. Mr. Gino Castignoli was working on the new Yankees Stadium and apparently managed to slip a jersey into the building which then got buried in concrete.

This is when things then got interesting and the Yankees became bigger Ass Hats. According to the article, Yankees President Robert Levine had this to say:

"The first thought was, you know, it's never a good thing to be buried in cement when you're in New York," Levine said. "But then we decided, why reward somebody who had really bad motives and was trying to do a really bad thing?"

Are you fucking kidding me? A bad thing? Are these people for real? Now, most people I talked to are not Sox or Yankee fans and they all thought it was extremely funny. And in my defense, I will say that if the shoe was on the other foot, and it was a Yankee jersey buried at Fenway, I'd laugh at that too. Gino's plan was brilliant and totally in line with the whole Sox/Yankees rivalry.

So, Sunday after Ass Hats the Yankees spent 5 hours and God knows how much money to retrieve this "curse", they are now debating whether or not criminal charges will be filed? Do they not realize what morons they are making themselves look like? Do they not realize that they have made our little Sox fan Gino incredibly famous because of all this? If they didn't want to reward his actions, they sure went about it the wrong way.

Tell me, what do you think? Did you find this funny or disrespectful? Do you think the Yankees are right? Are the Yankees taking this too far? Should the shirt have been left (like Hoffa in Giants Stadium)?

For anyone who hasn't read the story and wants to, here is the link you will have to copy and paste since I am too lazy to download the right internet browser for my Mac:

Saturday, April 12, 2008

My Birthday Boy

Dearest Shaggy -

I cannot believe how quickly the last 17 years have gone. It seems like only yesterday you were still my baby, holding tight to my hand as we walked. Sometimes, I forget that you don't look like this anymore -

and that instead, you are almost a grown man with your whole life ahead of you.

I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am of you. You have overcome much adversity in your life to be a fantastic young man and a wonderful son.

You and I have certainly weathered some "interesting" times.

There was the time you cut the main phone line in an attempt to splice a phone into it since there wasn't a phone jack.

There was the time you got a metal detector and my backyard resembled a mine field with all the holes.

There was the time you got a cordless drill and decided to find what exactly your drill bit would penetrate.

There are the times you brought home lawnmowers and weed eaters because you were sure you could fix them.

There was also a chain saw one time.

There was the time I came home to find a pile of junk in the garage that you had scavenged out of the creek and were determined they were antiques and worth a fortune.

There have been times I've dried your tears because you didn't understand what you did to drive your father away.

There have also been times you've healed my heart just when I didn't think I could go on.

There have been the countless dance recitals that you've been at without complaint because you knew it was important to your sister.

There are the times when I see you hug Abby and realize your heart is soft.

There is the physically disabilities you've overcome with your partial blindness, determined not to let it stop you from fulfilling your dreams.

There are the times that I know I can trust you to be out safe because, in truth, you've never given me a moments doubt.

There are the times you've hustled for odd jobs to get money for whatever it was you wanted because you didn't want to stress me by asking. Somehow, someway, you knew how dire the situation was without any support from your father without me ever saying a word.

From your first faltering steps as a baby to your more secure and confident ones as you turn into a man, I've been there. While my heart breaks that I didn't take the time to enjoy the wonderful amazing gift I was given, it also swells with pride at the adult you are becoming.

You taught me what it means to be a mother, and to some degree, also a father. You taught me what unconditional love it. You taught me unselfishness. You taught me the true meaning of beauty the first time I gazed into your face. You taught me hope. You taught me bravery. You have definitely given more to me than I could ever hope to give to you.

You will always be my firstborn baby - no matter how old or big you get. I love you more today then I did seventeen years ago. I'm proud and honored to be your mother. God was certainly good to me the day he chose me to be your mother.

I love you then, now and always!


Friday, April 11, 2008

They Say Its Your Birthday....

Got that Beatles song in your head yet? At any rate, in honor of today being my *gulp* 36th Birthday, I figured I'd try to find 36 things about me that I haven't shared yet.....(bear with me because this could be hard, I'm a sharer after all and I lay out all my weird quirks and embarassing stories just for you my dear readers!)

1. I don't have any tattoos but if I were to get one, I know exactly what I want. I'm too afraid of pain and how it would look when I'm older to get one!

2. I have 5 piercings in my ears.

3. I have oldest child syndrome.

4. I've never broken a bone in my whole life.

5. I hate beans - kidney, lima, and baked. My mom would make homemade baked beans and make me eat them and then get mad when I smothered them with ketchup to drown out the taste.

6. When I was little, I used to run and walk on my tiptoes. My mother was convinced this was going to make me a wonderful ballerina - until she witnessed dance class.

7. As a child, I had the nicknames Radio Lips and Speedy Gonzales - Radio Lips because well, I talked a lot and Speed Gonzales because I ran everywhere.

8. I once almost drowned in a swimming pool. My cousin saved me.

9. I'm a zit picker. I can't help it.

10. I love my son to pieces and at this point in time, he's my favorite. I'm sure this will change but he is the most like me and I think he's wonderful. (Stay tuned for the Shaggy birthday post tomorrow)

11. My feelings get hurt easily and I've been known to cry at the drop of a hat.

12. I don't like to sweat. It makes me feel dirty.

13. I forget just how large my ass is until I catch sight of it in the mirror. I think I'm still the skinny 99 lb girl I was at 18.

14. I want to get plastic surgery on my upper arms because they are nasty but I can't justify the cost and I'm scared of the pain.

15. I'm afraid to die.

16. I'm afraid of wasps - deathly afraid. I will run screaming like all the devils of hell are after me.

17. I can quote just about any line from Raw and Delirious and Friends and somehow fit it into my daily conversations. I then laugh like a lunatic.

18. I love to cook but I cannot bake to save my life.

19. I like my house clean and clutter really makes my butthole pucker. I think I have a small amount of OCD.

20. I can read the same books over and over and still love the story. All of my over 200 books I owe have been read at LEAST twice.

21. I bawl like a baby at the movies: Notting Hill, Pretty Woman, Steel Magnolias, Braveheart, and Mr. Holland's Opus.

22. I'm a sucker for romance. Unfortunately, I didn't marry the most romantic guy on the planet so therefore, I'm often disappointed.

23. Tulips are my favorites flowers and my husband will always send them for Valentine's Day. Sometimes I wish he'd send them for no reason but hey, at least he knows what my favorite flowers are.

24. I love wine. I wish the non alcoholic versions tasted as good because I'm a total lightweight and after a glass or two, I'm feeling it. I don't drink it for the alcohol value but for the taste.

25. I don't really like my brother. I dread when he calls because I don't know how to relate to him or what to say. I'll often let the voicemail pick it up.

26. My favorite thing is to make people laugh. I definitely have class clown syndrome.

27. I'm fairly intelligent but have no degrees to back that up.

28. I've very competitive. I don't like to lose and I get mad when I can't do things well.

29. I was dreading turning 30 but my 30's have been some of my best and worst years - however, they are definitely the years where I managed to find myself again.

30. I'm catholic but I haven't been to church in about 7 years. I really felt let down by God when my life turned to shit but we've since made up and I have daily talks with him. I sometimes miss Church but not the religion aspect.

31. If someone asks me a question, I will search until I find the answer. I can't stand not knowing something.

32. I turned down an appointment to West Point Academy. I still don't regret it.

33. I was top student in Chemisty with a 98% average in High School. I'm a total science geek and I wanted to be a biomedical engineer.

34. I don't regret not getting a college degree - I have my children and that is a bigger accomplishment than any college degree.

35. 7th Grade was a hell year for me - I often had suicial thoughts.

36. I cannot pass a collection box without dropping something in - even if its the last dollar I have til payday. I had a lot of help when I was single and I believe in paying it forward and trying to make a difference because I know what its like.

There you are - 36 totally random facts. These are my birthday present to anyone who reads!

PS - as mentioned above, Shaggy's birthday is tomorrow. He'll be 17. I am not old enough to have a 17 year old!!!

Monday, April 7, 2008

The Best Weekend EVER

So, in my previous depressing post, I mentioned that Hubby and Baby are out of town. What I didn't mention is, The Queen of All Drama and Shaggy were also out of the house this WHOLE weekend. Yes, folks, you read that right - I had the house to myself for a whole weekend. It was blissful. It was fantastic. It was wonderful. It was so good, I almost don't want them all to come back!

I got to spend 3 nights and 2 days doing whatever I wanted. The freedom. The joy. I could fart at will. I could talk to myself. I could sing loudly and badly. I could dance like Carlton and think I looked great.

About 9 pm on Friday, when I realized I had a whole weekend ahead of just myself, I stood in the middle of the living room and threw my hands in the air and yelled, "FREEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM". Yep, just like Mel from Braveheart but without all the torture. I spent hours doing what I wanted. They consisted of:

1. Steam Cleaning my carpet in the living room. This was great because I could do it my way without all the hinderance help. I moved furniture (including the entertainment center which almost caused me to poop my pants....that fucker is heavy).

2. Descuzzified my kitchen - including scrubbing down all the cabinets. What's more amazing, the kitchen floor stayed clean ALL weekend. It was amazing. It was a thing of beauty.

3. Removed the drain plug from the bathroom sink and cleaned off accumulated goop (that was the single most disgusting thing ever) and snaked out the drain. Even the pipe sparkles now.

4. Watched approximately 1000 hours of Chick Flicks including: Field of Dreams (is it just me or does that whisper freak anyone else out?), Notting Hill (I'm also just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her....I'm almost crying again now), Dirty Dancing (complete with manic dancing and terrible singing to accompany the movie and cheering loudly at "Nobody puts Baby in the corner") and the General's Daughter (have I mentioned my crush on John Travolta?? OHHHH BABY)

5. Caught up on the 50000000000 hours of CSI Miami I had on the DVR. I've recently discovered this show and love it. I can't watch it with Hubby because he has to mimic Horatio's voice and it makes me giggle.

6. Watched ZERO hours of ESPN, College Basketball, Racing, and Monday Night Raw. Yes, I married a redneck - I'm over it now. Good thing he's cute or he might not have made the cut with his terrible taste in TV. I swear if they made a sport of ants racing up a popsicle stick, he'd watch it.

7. Made Indian food (which in turn gave me gas so this worked out perfectly since Hubby hates Indian and I can't fart in front of him).

8. Lit approximately 3 billion candles over the weekend and had no lights on. So Chicky of me and I loved every second of it.

9. Soaked in the tub with candles, wine and a book with NO ONE standing outside the door to just tell me something or ask if I was almost done.

10. Ok, I can't think of a 10 but the list looked weird ending at 9.

Only 2 more days until chaos returns and brings its buddies, clutter and mess with him.

On a side note, thanks to everyone (all 3 of you) who have commented with your best wishes and also thanks to those of you who read but didn't comment and telecommuted your best wishes for hubby. They truly mean a lot to me and it is great to know there are those out there pulling for us. I'll be sure to keep you all updated on the Great Nut Exam once Hubby returns.

Friday, April 4, 2008


How does one begin a post which could change the whole fabric of your being? How does one begin to express the fears, doubts, and worries that have been running rampant in my mind?

My husband uttered five words to me the other day that have the capabilities to shatter my world and heart - "I think the cancer's back". You see, when he was 26, he had testicular cancer. He lost one of his testicles and went through radiation. We've often joked that the radiation created "Super Sperm" since he went on to have two more children. 12 years of being cancer free and now he thinks its come back.

Before I dwell too deeply on my thoughts, we have not had any diagnosis confirmed or denied yet. He left for PA this morning and only discovered the lumps on his other testicle on Thursday. He is going to be heading in to see a urologist when he returns and with a bit of luck, this post will all be for nothing. Keep your fingers crossed, say prayers if you say them, light voodoo candles if that's your thing, whatever your mojo is, please send a little our way until we know for sure.

I wasn't with Don the first time he went through cancer. You see, we are both Second Timers. In spite of how much he annoys me at times, everytime I think of this horrible black cloud looming over us, tears just start welling up in my eyes. I want to throw myself on the floor with all the strength of our baby and beat my fists and scream. I try to bury the idea of cancer in the back of my head, thinking worrying about it isn't going to do any good until we know, but its always right there. Like that annoying tickle in your throat or the feel of a hair on your tongue. You just can't quite get rid of it.

On a more normal Kate note, when he told me about his testicle, I did respond with:

Sure, you mean I got my tubes tied for nothing??!?

Nothing like a little humor to lighten the day.....