Thursday, June 26, 2008

For Sale

One slightly used child.

You can pick out the newest model as seen here:

AKA Demon Spawn, Devil's Child, Seed of Satan
Pros: She's really cute and smart
Cons: She's bad.

You can go with the middle model as seen here:

AKA Drama Queen, Monkey Wailer, Tiny Dancer
Pros: She's beautiful - just look at that picture!! She's a lot of help (with the right incentive)
Cons: Everything's a battle, the tears are copious.

You can go with the oldest model as seen here:

AKA Shaggy, You Smell, You're Gross
Pros: He's a hardworker, good with yard work, pretty funny
Cons: He likes to be dirty....really really dirty

Why am I selling off one or all of my kids? I have several reasons:

1. The economy freaking sucks and I just can't freaking afford them anymore.
2. They sometimes get on my nerves.
3. Momma needs to get some more dental love.

That's right folks, the women who hates/loathes/fears the dentist is smack in the middle of a major reconstructive project on my mouth and its fucking expensive.

The tally to date includes 1 crack ho extraction, 1 full mouth debridement (yeahh to year's of tartar build up), 1 filling done on the front of a tooth extending below the gumline, 1 crown.

Still to be completed?? Extraction of two lower wisdom teeth, 3 more crowns on the lower molars, and 1 more filling. That will just take care of the lower jaw.

Total cost to me - $960 give or take a couple of bucks. Oh God, I'm pretty sure I just puked a little. Bottom jaw only. Fuck me!

Now I'm scared to death of the top jaw because due to a couple of accidents, I have some nice chipped teeth right in the front. My dentist muttered something about the top teeth to his assistant. I couldn't hear it real clearly but I'm pretty sure it was something along the lines of a new BMW thanks to my mouth. We're talking about some more crowns and some veneers and probably an implant to fill my crack ho spot.

I told Kelly that braces were off the table for her until....well until she can pay for them herself.

The only good news out of this is, with all the restorative (nice use of a dental term!) work to be done, I won't have any need for bleaching since they will all be white anyway.

Along these same lines, what's everyone doing to stay afloat with the economy what its like. Damn we were barely scraping along before now with all the rising costs, we are starting to sink.

Maybe I should leave that crack ho hole alone and start earning money the old fashioned way......


Sasha said...

You are hilarious today- love the Pigpen picture!

Smoochiefrog said...

Um, you saw my dance post right? Do you really think we have money? :)

Did you see this post? That should tell you what I've been doing to stay afloat lately.

BusyDad said...

I hope you love my beautiful smile because it cost me 'round $10K. My 4 front teeth are 2 implants and 2 bridges. Tip for your kids. If they ever decide to kickbox competitively, do not skimp on the mouthguard. Get the best one money can buy. :D
(that is my toothless smile).

Kate said...

Its so great to hear that people who have beautiful smiles have invested big bucks into them!! It gives my crack ho mouth hope!!

clemsongirlandthecoach said...



Nuff said.

My REAL thoughts... said...

Wow! That is a lot of dental work needed. Not sure if that $960 was just for the work you had done or for all the work you need done. If it's for all the work you need, then you have some great dental insurance! If not, you should check into traveling out of the country for your dental work. It it significantly cheaper to go to Mexico for dental work. There are companies that help you find accredited dentists. The only one that I know of for sure is But, if you look online, I know there are others. The only bad thing (or maybe good for you) is that you get it all done at once. I have a friend that probably feels similar to you about going to the dentist and her doctor gives her a very low dose of Ativan to alleviate some of the anxiety. Good luck!

Kate said...

Sasha - Ummm I'm hilarious everyday!!! :D

Tina - I laughed at your method to stay afloat...don't think it hasn't crossed my mind!!

Jim - 10K damn!!! You made my mouth feel better!

CG - Not sure what the OMG's were for but I'm gonna assume its because you couldn't believe how cute my kidlets were :D

My Real Thoughts - Thanks for stopping by! We do have good dental insurance - I pay about $240 per crown which is great. Too bad I suck so much I need so many of them! Hope you enjoyed reading and stop back often!