Answers

So, after a dismal showing on my brilliant brain flash of ask me any questions - here are the answers for 2 of my favorite girls who asked:

Tina* asked - how did I meet my hubby and was it love at first site:

Funny story here Tina. After my divorce in 2000, I started going back to school. As part of my great financial aid package, I qualified for student loans so I decided to purchase my first my first computer complete with internet. At the time, I found this great game for a complete dork music buff like me - Rock N Roll Jeopardy (yes, a computerized version of the TV show from VH-1). Fast forward a year or so. I had to discontinue with school because it was too much while raising the kidlets and working full time and the kidlets needed me around. Viola - I still had this shiny new computer and access to this game. THEN a miracle occurred. I found out it had a chat room. For a bored, lonely, single women who no longer had any real adult interaction - this was a gold mine. I actually met Hubby's then wife first. I spent a lot of time listening to her bitch about what a shitty guy he was, how she was leaving him, etc all while watching her make several online connections. I knew who her/my hubby was but I never really talked to him. I wasn't into messing with married men and I wasn't really looking for an online connection - just friendship. Fast forward again about a year or so and Hubby finally found out what was going on with the ex. He also knew who I was and what I had been through and we started talking about coping with divorce and life after divorce, etc. One thing led to another and one night I was pretty upset about the fact that I wasn't ever going to find anyone who was interested in me and he said, "There is someone". I replied, "Who?". He replied, "Me." After I was able to pick my jaw up from the desk, I was totally flattered (he was the type online to only let people in so far and kept everyone at arm's length). One thing led to another and we spent every spare minute at home talking through IM or on the phone (this started in October) and we finally met in January.

So to answer your question, I met my Hubby online and yes, it was love at first sight since we had a few months to develop our relationship before ever meeting. Now, neither of us hardly ever get online and it's still love at first sight every day when I see him!

Sasha* asked:

1. What did I wear to the wedding: I can't find a decent picture on our camera's that show me - lots of me looking very drunk and goofy but no good ones of my dress. I'll try to take a picture of the dress tonight and also post some of me dancing so you can see how it looks like I stuffed two fighting cats into the ass end of my pantyhose while I dance!

2. All time favorite cocktail: I don't really have one as I rarely drink hard liquor but when I do, I like a good margarita or a good cosmo. I usually just drink wine.

3. All time favorite song: Whiter Shade of Pale by Procul Harum. Hands Down my favorite. In close running is: Just The Way You Are by Billy Joel, Wonderful World by Satchmo (Louis Armstrong), How Great Thou Art (thanks, Nana!! that ones for you), Since I've Been Loving You by Led Zeppelin, Ballad of Curtis Lowe by Skynard....this list could get really long so I'll leave it there.

4. Book? Holy cow, that's a toughie since I own over 200 books but I'd have to say its not just one book, its a series. The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. I can lose myself in Roland's world and everytime I read them, I fall a little more in love with Roland. Guess I like the bad boys! My favorite book as a child was, Grover's Book of Everything or something like that - its Grover going through a museum and each room is full of objects that are the same. That and the Richard Scary books.

5. Do I like Reality TV? Hmmmm, lets see if I can answer this - my TV schedule revolves around these shows at the moment: Amazing Race, Biggest Loser, Celebrity Rehab, LA Ink, Intervention. So, yes, I do like reality TV but not all of it. I'm also addicted to documentaries - like on Court TV, A&E, Discovery Health, TLC, and MSNBC. I'm not a huge fan of things like Survivor (although I used to be, I'm just a tad bit tired of it), Scott Baio shows, Flavor Flav shows. I have to admit to watching a Very Brady Wedding though (or whatever that was called).

*Safari won't let me do links and I'm too lazy to download Firefox at work so if you want to see these ladies great blogs, check out the blog roll.

On the strange off chance that anyone else asks any questions, I will add them here! Thanks again for playing ladies!

Ask Me....I Dare You

For the last 60 posts or so, I have been telling the cyber world all I want them to know about me. Apparently, I'm really boring because I've had a sad lack of material lately and I can't even say its because I was busy at work. This should make me reevaluate my life and determine that I should do more for mankind. So, along those lines, I'm turning this over to you guys. This is your chance. We've all done the thousands of MeMe's but you know when you read someone's blog for so long, you have questions you want answered. In short, its like you are reading someone's diary but since its their diary, they already know the details and you feel like you're missing part of the story.

This little exercise has several advantages:

1. Blog Material
2. (Hopefully) more comments
3. Ummm....ok, there are only 2 advantages but hey, they are good ones!

Now is your chance....ask away. I promise no question will be off limits (hell, has anything been off limits here???) I promise to answer them all. Those of you who are reading and not commenting, this is your chance. Come to the dark side and join me!

Disclaimer: it will really hurt my feelings if noone asks me any questions so, don't make me get my multiple personalities out and sign them up to blogger just so it makes it look like I have readers...that strategy didn't work for me in school and I doubt it will work for me here. I really don't want to look more pathetic!

Where Have I Been?

Couple of updates for those who have been anxiously waiting (all...ummm... zero of you). It has been a crazy crazy week!

The big wedding was Saturday. I looked really nice freaking hot if I say so myself! The wedding was beautiful. I promise to post pictures as soon as I can find some that I don't totally look freaking bombed in since I wouldn't want to shatter my well developed illusion of being a nice, sweet, wholesome girl. Oh yeah, did I mention? I got completely hammered...falling down, throwing up, wishing I would die drunk. NOT. PRETTY. I haven't been like that in years. I'm a total lightweight and usually one glass of wine is more than sufficient. I'm pretty sure I drank the equivalent of at least a bottle over the course of the night. A great time was had however - at least until the next day.

I'm sure I mentioned this but my sister's best friend for the last 15 years or so married them. She wrote the whole ceremony and it was moving, touching, emotional, and downright beautiful. My sister looked gorgeous - as I expected. It was a great but intimate party and just perfect for her. I couldn't be happier.

What I'm not sure I mentioned is, my baby sister is my hero. She is beautiful, smart, and so accomplished. She has a man who adores the ground she walks on and we all love him. My heart was just filled with joy for her - for this wonderful person who has been in my life for 28 years and left her footprints on every inch of my soul. (Dammit, I'm getting all teary eyed just typing this!). She has held my hand at my darkest times. She has dried my tears. She has been the shoulder I've leaned on. She has been the first one I tell my news to, both the good and the bad. She has the ears that have listened, the words that have healed, and a heart that has broken with mine. She has never asked anything in return, instead, just being there when I've needed her. My sister has the rare combination of both inner and outer beauty and to see her just glow with happiness has been the best gift I could receive. Ok, moving on before I dissolve into a complete puddle of mush!

Some of my dad's family came in from RI and it was great to have them there. His brother got married in 1986 and his sister got married in 1978 and to this day, they are still so in love with their spouses. It was so awesome to see. They still kiss and hold hands and hug each other. It was just a great weekend for love!

On the total other hand, my items I ordered for the boudoir came in but I can't test them until the Red Sea departs! I will be sure to give you my take on them - I ordered a couple of the things that Ashley suggested (the heart massager, the candle) and a few things she didn't!

Me Birthday MEME

The Birth Month Meme lists a bunch of traits for each birth month and you are supposed to see which ones are so you. The rules for this meme are…copy and paste the 12 months and their characteristics, highlight the traits that are yours and, make some snide comment about it, or you can be serious too, whatever flips your skirt. Then tag 12 of your closest and dearest friends…or, just randomly pick 12 blogs. Or, if you are me, you will just leave it open for whomever wants to do it...

Now, back to me:

I'm an April baby so lets see how I measure up to my month -

Active: Yeah, I don't think I'd look like I stuff a Goodyear down my pants if I was active

Decisive and hasty but tends to regret: Hellooooo I'm on my second marriage...that should say it all

Attractive and affectionate to oneself: If you've been reading, you'll know that I'm VERY affectionate to myself!

Loves attention: Again...I'm the original comment whore. 'Nuff Said.

Diplomatic: Not so much - if I had a trace of diplomacy, I sure as hell wouldn't share things about itchy buttholes or tendency to fall asleep using toys.

Brave and fearless: see above

Yeah, the rest of these are so much NOT me that I think I'm just going to read each month and pick out the traits I like....I mean, really, for April it says sexy in a way only their lover can see? That's just wrong.

So, here is my new list of traits. Since I'm taking them from each month of the year, I wonder if that makes me a Calendar Girl....

January: Sensitive and has deep thoughts - just call me Jack Handy

February: Intelligent and Clever. Attractive. Sexy.

March: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate.

May: Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally.

June: Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends.

July: Fun to be with. Witty and sparkly.

August: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities.

September: Good Lord, September's a more sucky month than April.

October: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty.

November: Yeah, add November to the month of sucky qualities!

December: Loyal and generous. Sexy

There you have it - the qualities of me by the months of the year! Damn I'm awesome!!!!

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Conversations With Shaggy

My office Christmas party was Friday afternoon and everyone was in a fantabulous mood after the juicy Christmas bonuses. We had a blast and since Hubby was out of town, I took Shaggy with me. I think by 9 AM at my office he was starting to regret the decision to spend the day with Momma after he got to hear some of these gems:

After eating CrapDonald's last night I have a lubed anus.

Holy crap, I think I just pooped an anaconda.

Then, while bowling, there was this little pearl:

Me: Boy, you better behave before I have to beat you.

Shaggy: You can't hurt me. I'm bigger than you.

Me: Yeah, well you came out of my vagina.

Shaggy: Speechless Disgust

Then, there is this classic exchange between me and one of the guys I work with:

Me: J whatcha doin'?

Him: Nuttin

Both: collapse into heaps of juvenile giggles

As we were driving home, Shaggy said to me, "Boy, I knew you guys were bad at work but I had no idea." To which, I gave him a knowing look and replied, "You still have no idea - that was us behaving."

If that child ever leaves me alone with his children (please, Lord, wait about 20 years), it will be a minor miracle and I can imagine that prior to coming to Grandma's house he will warn them not to listen to a thing I say.

As a side note, I contributed a small chunk of my Christmas bonus contributing to Ashley's preschool fund in an attempt to bring the groove back. Stay tuned for updates!!!

We Wish You....

a very Merry Christmas. From the nuthouse to you and all of yours. In light of the Holiday Season, here are some things I've learned:

1. Me and serious posts do not mix. I can talk about an inability to poo, sex, masturbation, and my coffee cake ad nauseum and get some decent comments. However, the times I attempt to post something serious, I think it scares people. I think they attempt to find the humor in it (since apparently that's what I'm best known for - and a rather juvenile humor at that) and when they can't, its like they didn't get the joke so its better to say nothing.

2. The 40 Year Old Virgin is - THE. BEST. MOVIE. E.V.E.R.! I laughed hysterically at it but is that really any surprise? Dude, you look like a man-o-latern. I totally want to wax Hubby now just so I can use that line.

3. I'm both dreading and anticipating tomorrow. I LOOOOOVE Christmas. To me, there is nothing like seeing your children's eyes light up as they open their gifts. However, I'll be short a child (and a Hubby)tomorrow since Abbado and her father are currently in Pennsylvania. So far, I've managed to hold it together and shed no tears but I'm missing them both terribly.

4. Me and Cosmopolitans - not a good combo. I'm a total lightweight when it comes to booze and after one Cosmo, I'm feeling FIIIIINE - after 2, my lips are as numb as a trip to dentist. Not to mention the fact that I'm sleepy. Yeah, Santa's coming early this year Kiddos, how does an 8:00 bedtime sound?

5. My husband is a brave brave man to leave me the check book when he travels. I've managed to drop almost $300 at Tarjay the last few days and ummm yeah, all our shopping was done.

6. Little ole 5'1.5" me has to wrangle a weight bench that weighs approximately 500 lbs from my bed room to the living room tonight and attempt to wrap it. Since I've also imbibed 2 (and counting) Cosmos this evening - it may end up unwrapped and halfway down the hallway. Did I also mention the 100 lb weight set??? What the fuck was I thinking????

7. Hubby and I didn't write any letters and I can't be mad at him because I sure as shit didn't do mine....so as I sit here slightly buzzed I'm thinking of shopping at an adult website for some more "personal" items. (Don't worry, Ashley, I'm planning on contributing to the preschool fund. I just hope I can find that body butter shit...you know, the stuff that tastes like frosting??) However, I do need to remember that the check book balance is dwindling and not to buy everything I see.

8. Did I mention the numb lips and its only 7:49? Its going to be a long night....these little bastards darlings better not think they are getting up at dark o'fucking clock tomorrow. They are too old for that shit.

So, from my family to yours - warmest wishes for a safe, joyous, and happy Holiday season!

Pay It Forward

This time of year often leads to a lot of self reflection for me. The time to reflect on what I can/did do to make a difference in the world. Have I touched someone's life and made it a little bit better for doing so? Will there be people that remember one random act of kindness I did and will it inspire them to do the same?

I am a blessed person. I have a wonderful family and a wonderful life. Sure, money's tight but in non monetary ways, my life is so rich. I have such special and treasured memories of my childhood. Memories that have sustained me through the rough times. Memories that I have in my mind and heart that I can take out and view whenever the going gets rough. I have a life filled with love. I feel it all around me in all the people I interact with.

There was one Christmas that always sticks out in my mind as my first instance of paying it forward. We had driven from New Hampshire to Rhode Island to celebrate Christmas with my huge family. As we were preparing to head home, we stopped at a small diner to have some desert. While we sat at our table, drinking our mugs of hot chocolate, and basking in the glow of a wonderful Christmas filled with love, family, and of course, presents, a grizzled old man came in. Heads turned to stare at him as he made his way to a table and sat down alone. I don't remember if he appeared homeless but he definitely appeared dejected and lonely on what should be a day filled with joy and happiness. He was unkempt and had a strange rash on his face. Patrons were staring at him as he slowly gripped his lone mug of coffee in both hands and kept his head down. I was staring too but not in disgust but in sadness. I remember thinking that noone would acknowledge this man because he was dirty. He was sullying up their Christmas night. As my family finished up and my parents were paying the bill, I walked over to this man and when he looked up at me, I told him I just wanted to wish him a Merry Christmas. His eyes shimmered with tears and his face lit up in a huge smile. Other patrons looked ashamed. He grabbed my hand and held it in both of his and wished me a Merry Christmas back. In his grip, I felt all the gratitude his face was showing that someone would acknowledge him, that someone would take the time to brighten his holidays. As we left, my mom turned to me and with tears in her eyes told me she was proud of me.

That is the Christmas memory I examine most often. Taking the joy I have in my heart at this time of year and passing it along. So, every year as the holidays approach, I ask myself, have I lived up to that memory this year? Sadly, the answer is often no as life becomes busy. This year, I'm asking any of you who read, take the time the next time you see the person on the street that makes you want to cross and think in your head, "I'm so lucky I'm not them" and acknowledge them. Don't let the minutiae of life stop you from making a difference to someone who appears to be out of hope.

You see, this morning there was a press conference with one of the critically injured surviving victims of our mall shooting. He talked about wanting to be a better person going forward. He talked with eloquence about the victims. It made me think of that memory. It made me wonder how people would remember me if I was gone. It made me want to be a better person.

I've been debating on writing this post for the last couple of weeks. The words wouldn't come out the way I wanted them until after that press conference so, even though its early - I send all of you who read the warmest and joyous Holiday wishes from our family to yours. Hopefully, through these writings, I've managed to touch your lives in the ways that those who's blogs I read, touch mine and inspire me. I promise to now step off my soap box and return back to your regularly scheduled juvenile humor.