Dear Waitress At Crapplebees,
When I tell you there is a hair in my dip, please do not EVER ask if I want you to take the plate away. I don't know what you do in your house, but when I'm paying for a meal, I don't want the "added" flavor of an unknown hair of unknown origin.
Secondly, when we walk in carrying a baby, shouldn't it go without saying that we need a high chair? What exactly did you think we were going to do with her?
Thirdly, when the said baby is sitting in the high chair at the end of the table, you don't put hot plates 2" from her. Babies grab everything. Unless you are the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, use your brain. Especially don't put a damn steak knife in her reach unless you like to be stabbed with it.
Thank you very much.
Sincerely,
The Kate Family
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
More Rambling
I was just looking back over my sitemeter results and saw a few things worth mentioning:
To the visitor from LA - more specifically Fox.com - yes, I would be interested in selling you my material for a small premium! :D
To the visitor from Coke - yes, I would love a lifetime supply of your product. I truly do only drink Coke and I would be willing to mention Coke at least once in every post. Have a Coke and a Smile!
To the visitor from Miller Brewing Company - sure send it along with the Coke. I can mention a Miller Lite at least once in every post. Miller - its the cure for what the kids do to you!
To the visitor who googled "Big Turd" and found me - I don't even want to know why on God's green earth you were googling that but thanks for reading!
Disclaimer - these are all very tongue in cheek but yet, still my offer stands to accept your products! Happy reading!
To the visitor from LA - more specifically Fox.com - yes, I would be interested in selling you my material for a small premium! :D
To the visitor from Coke - yes, I would love a lifetime supply of your product. I truly do only drink Coke and I would be willing to mention Coke at least once in every post. Have a Coke and a Smile!
To the visitor from Miller Brewing Company - sure send it along with the Coke. I can mention a Miller Lite at least once in every post. Miller - its the cure for what the kids do to you!
To the visitor who googled "Big Turd" and found me - I don't even want to know why on God's green earth you were googling that but thanks for reading!
Disclaimer - these are all very tongue in cheek but yet, still my offer stands to accept your products! Happy reading!
Yeahhhhh Baby!
In what I promise to be my last Red Sox post (at least until Spring Training in March), I want to stand on my roof and shout, "The Red Sox are my Daddies" (using Pedro Martinez's famous line - except his had the Yankees in place of the Sox because he couldn't figure out how to beat them). I want to run around my yard until the men in little white coats come for me. I want to do Pap's jig with him. More than anything, I wish I could be in Boston tomorrow for the parade. So, Huge Congrats to my beloved Sox. You've made a die hard fan very very happy. For you Rockie fans - take heart. Your team is good - damn good. And young. They will be back in the World Series!
On another note, I want to say that I'm really sick and tired of the sour grapes I'm hearing about New England sports teams. The Pats are running up the scores...The Sox are just like the Yankees. What a crock of shit. First off, if the Pats are running up the scores, shouldn't it be the OTHER teams responsibility to stop them? Wow, there's a novel idea. I guess when they're up by 3 TD's they should just roll over and play dead. Where's the sportsmanship in that? As far as the Sox being like the Yankees - this comment almost makes my head explode. C'mon sports fans, the Sox have won 2 World Series since 2004. Before that - 86 fucking years. There was a segment on Sports Center last night that showed the Yankers have 19 Series. The Sox - a measely 7. Five of those seven were prior to 1918. We Sox fans certainly can't help that, in spite of attempts, the Yankers haven't been able to buy a Championship since 2000.
Ok - that felt good.
I have also been debating over the tone of my posts. You see, I know there are people reading but my comments don't reflect this (yes, I'm a comment whore). I've wondered if I "scare" people off. Then I realized that I am my blog. This is exactly how I talk and think. I am an oversharer. I am crude. I am blunt. So, I've decided that I started this blog for me and I shouldn't change who I am. For those of you who do read and laugh - great...I'm glad you "get" me. Please keep reading. For those of you who read and comment (I can always count on my Sasha for a comment!!), thanks for letting me know you "get" me. Like most bloggers, I do love the comments. Hey, I'm even open to suggestions on what you'd like to read. I'm one of those people who knows a little about a lot of things and has an opinion on all of them!
Now, if I could just get all the kids to stay home, I might actually have a chance at some material. Damn little midgies keep running away on the weekends and all I'm left with is Abby. She's cute and all but she just doesn't say much to entertain me yet! If work would just slow down, I'd have more time for posting. Geeze these people actually expect me to earn my paycheck!
On another note, I want to say that I'm really sick and tired of the sour grapes I'm hearing about New England sports teams. The Pats are running up the scores...The Sox are just like the Yankees. What a crock of shit. First off, if the Pats are running up the scores, shouldn't it be the OTHER teams responsibility to stop them? Wow, there's a novel idea. I guess when they're up by 3 TD's they should just roll over and play dead. Where's the sportsmanship in that? As far as the Sox being like the Yankees - this comment almost makes my head explode. C'mon sports fans, the Sox have won 2 World Series since 2004. Before that - 86 fucking years. There was a segment on Sports Center last night that showed the Yankers have 19 Series. The Sox - a measely 7. Five of those seven were prior to 1918. We Sox fans certainly can't help that, in spite of attempts, the Yankers haven't been able to buy a Championship since 2000.
Ok - that felt good.
I have also been debating over the tone of my posts. You see, I know there are people reading but my comments don't reflect this (yes, I'm a comment whore). I've wondered if I "scare" people off. Then I realized that I am my blog. This is exactly how I talk and think. I am an oversharer. I am crude. I am blunt. So, I've decided that I started this blog for me and I shouldn't change who I am. For those of you who do read and laugh - great...I'm glad you "get" me. Please keep reading. For those of you who read and comment (I can always count on my Sasha for a comment!!), thanks for letting me know you "get" me. Like most bloggers, I do love the comments. Hey, I'm even open to suggestions on what you'd like to read. I'm one of those people who knows a little about a lot of things and has an opinion on all of them!
Now, if I could just get all the kids to stay home, I might actually have a chance at some material. Damn little midgies keep running away on the weekends and all I'm left with is Abby. She's cute and all but she just doesn't say much to entertain me yet! If work would just slow down, I'd have more time for posting. Geeze these people actually expect me to earn my paycheck!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Dreams
I have two dream vacations. I want to go to Disneyland and Fenway Park. (And here you thought you were going to get a post without mention of the Sox!!)
Disneyland. Its been a place I've wanted to for years. Without kids. Yes, I am an evil mother. I want to go with just Hubby and I. I want to skip down Main Street. I want to wear Mickey ears. I want to have my picture taken with Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, and Pluto. I want to have a Princess breakfast and wear a tiara with Cinderella. I want to ride "Its a Small World" and sing through the whole ride. Basically, I want to do all the kids things even though I'm an adult. I don't care if I'm 50 years old (which at the rate we are going, I will be) by the time I go.
My second dream will come as no shock. Fenway Park. Hallowed and Sacred ground. While it would be like going to Heaven to see a game there too, I'd actually be happy to just tour thepark pahk. The sense of anticipation walking down Yawkey Way and seeing all the Championship banners. Entering the concourse. Walking into those stands. To see the red seat in the right field - which marks the longest home run ever hit there. By Ted Williams. To see Pesky's Pole. To enter the infamous Green Monster Monstah. To look at the dugouts. To sing "Sweet Caroline" or "Dirty Water", albeit badly. I can almost smell the stale beer and peanuts as I type this. Of course, I'd probably end up in a Boston Bahstahn jail cell because I'd probably be overcome and want to touch the field. Or chain myself in the dugout. Or attempt to stuff myself in Jason Varitek's locker.
Dreams.....
Disclaimer: I am actually from New England so while my attempts to translate the Boston accent may seem amature, I'm familiar with the accent and still used "Wicked" in the course of my daily conversation.
PS: As I type this, the Sox are up 6-0 in the third and Dice-K's looking smooth. Fingers crossed!
Disneyland. Its been a place I've wanted to for years. Without kids. Yes, I am an evil mother. I want to go with just Hubby and I. I want to skip down Main Street. I want to wear Mickey ears. I want to have my picture taken with Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, and Pluto. I want to have a Princess breakfast and wear a tiara with Cinderella. I want to ride "Its a Small World" and sing through the whole ride. Basically, I want to do all the kids things even though I'm an adult. I don't care if I'm 50 years old (which at the rate we are going, I will be) by the time I go.
My second dream will come as no shock. Fenway Park. Hallowed and Sacred ground. While it would be like going to Heaven to see a game there too, I'd actually be happy to just tour the
Dreams.....
Disclaimer: I am actually from New England so while my attempts to translate the Boston accent may seem amature, I'm familiar with the accent and still used "Wicked" in the course of my daily conversation.
PS: As I type this, the Sox are up 6-0 in the third and Dice-K's looking smooth. Fingers crossed!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Thank You Jacoby
All of America should thank one of the newest BoSox, Jacoby Ellsbury. He stole a base during the game and won all of America a free taco from Taco Bell. So, visit your local Taco Bell on October 30th from 2 to 5 pm for your free taco. And remember, Go BoSox!
Disclaimer: I, personally, think Taco Bell taco's taste like ground up Alpo but I'm willing to do whatever necessary to garner fans over to the Sox Side. So, come on, root for the Sox, you know you wanna!
Monday, October 22, 2007
World Series BABBBBBBBY
Apparently, I need to amend my earlier post about what it means to be a Red Sox Fan. This is what it now means....seeing this video and wishing and hoping you were there to see it in person
GO SOX!!!!! You make a good Irish girl proud with that jig, Pap. Although, I'm thinking the goggles kind of ruin the look!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
PSA: Parenthood = Control
As the mother of a 16 year old, I've learned several things:
1. No matter how much you profess that you will never be the type of parent your parents were, you will be. Its inevitable.
2. Kids are cute and entertaining, but from the moment of conception the battle of wills begins. Look at labor, you have to wait til the demon spawn in ready. You have to be miserable and look like something dragged out a zombie movie before your doctor will consider an induction.
3. You will make mistakes....and laugh at them.
4. You will find yourself thinking, "I can't wait until you have children of your own so you understand what you are doing to me"
5. You will cry....OFTEN. When they are babies, you will cry at the mistakes you make and just when you begin to think that those tears were shed over hormones, you will cry as they enter school, you will cry the first time they look at you as if you are the uncoolest person in the world, you will cry when they test your patience (which is a daily event from about 10 onwards), and you will cry as they pull away from you and want to begin their own lives. Letting go SUCKS.
As I've read many great blogs that detail conversations with their children, I think to myself, "Enjoy it now because these days won't last". Yes, I have the smugness of KNOWING what is coming next. Sure, your heart melts when they tell you that they love you or when they say you are pretty or when they think your kiss and hug can heal every hurt. Just as easily as your heart melts at those moments, it can shatter into millions of pieces at the moments to come. Let me say it again, letting go SUCKS.
I am the oldest of 3 children. Older than my sister by 7 years and older than my brother by 9 years. Our mom was strict. She ruled the roost and we all knew it. My brother and I were the type of kids who pretty much toed the line (my brother now, that's a post for another day). My sister, well she was the type of child that made you believe that some child abuse is justified! She could make our mom lose it. She knew how to push her buttons, with ease. We called these moments "Break Your Arm" moments. We laugh at it now but I wish for my sister a child just like her (hey, Karma's a bitch). She would get our mother so riled up that she would totally lose her temper. The result of one of these temper losses was her saying the BYA comment out of sheer frustration. We knew our mother would never physically abuse us, but I gotta say with my sister it was close!
I had my own BYA moment a few years back with Shaggy. He was about 10 or 11 so Drama Queen would have been 6 or 7. They were at the age where their main goal in life was irritating the living shit out of each other. This particular night, I'd had it. The conversation went something like this:
Me: If I have to tell you two to stop one more time, I'm going to get up and spank both of you!
Them: whispered pissy comments to each other because if we whisper them, she can't hear.
Me: Storms into kitchen and manages to find DQ first and smacks her.
DQ: Instantly collapses into a paroxysms of tears as if she was just beaten within an inch of her life
I make my way over to Shaggy who is standing by the fridge. This is the first point I now realize he is taller than me....NOT GOOD. I go to smack him and he puts his hand up. I realize I might have a problem here...also NOT GOOD. I then proceed to say the stupidest comment I have ever made as a parent:
Me: PUT YOUR HAND DOWN SO I CAN SMACK YOU
Shaggy: glares
Me: grabs arm and attempts to pull it down, finds out I am having difficulty budging it and once again thinks...NOT GOOD...I'm losing control here. I then make every effort to find a place to smack him (keep in mind his back is against the wall and right side against the fridge, this leaves very limited smacking space) I manage to get a wallop in against his hip which just pisses me off for 2 reasons:
1. It hurt my hand
2. He gave me a look that was so plain it was like I heard the words, "Is that all you got?"
I totally admit to losing control at that point. I'm pretty sure my head was spinning in 360s and a demon voice was being projected. I desperately searched for something to hit him with and found....
A PLASTIC SPOON
Yes, you read that correctly, I so lost control that I attempted to beat my child with a plastic serving spoon. Not one of my prouder parenting moments!
So, my advice to you all is this: enjoy your little kids now when their whole world is you. Call your parents now before it is too late and apologize for all and everything you might ever have done. Seriously think about boarding school for your puberty aged children.
1. No matter how much you profess that you will never be the type of parent your parents were, you will be. Its inevitable.
2. Kids are cute and entertaining, but from the moment of conception the battle of wills begins. Look at labor, you have to wait til the demon spawn in ready. You have to be miserable and look like something dragged out a zombie movie before your doctor will consider an induction.
3. You will make mistakes....and laugh at them.
4. You will find yourself thinking, "I can't wait until you have children of your own so you understand what you are doing to me"
5. You will cry....OFTEN. When they are babies, you will cry at the mistakes you make and just when you begin to think that those tears were shed over hormones, you will cry as they enter school, you will cry the first time they look at you as if you are the uncoolest person in the world, you will cry when they test your patience (which is a daily event from about 10 onwards), and you will cry as they pull away from you and want to begin their own lives. Letting go SUCKS.
As I've read many great blogs that detail conversations with their children, I think to myself, "Enjoy it now because these days won't last". Yes, I have the smugness of KNOWING what is coming next. Sure, your heart melts when they tell you that they love you or when they say you are pretty or when they think your kiss and hug can heal every hurt. Just as easily as your heart melts at those moments, it can shatter into millions of pieces at the moments to come. Let me say it again, letting go SUCKS.
I am the oldest of 3 children. Older than my sister by 7 years and older than my brother by 9 years. Our mom was strict. She ruled the roost and we all knew it. My brother and I were the type of kids who pretty much toed the line (my brother now, that's a post for another day). My sister, well she was the type of child that made you believe that some child abuse is justified! She could make our mom lose it. She knew how to push her buttons, with ease. We called these moments "Break Your Arm" moments. We laugh at it now but I wish for my sister a child just like her (hey, Karma's a bitch). She would get our mother so riled up that she would totally lose her temper. The result of one of these temper losses was her saying the BYA comment out of sheer frustration. We knew our mother would never physically abuse us, but I gotta say with my sister it was close!
I had my own BYA moment a few years back with Shaggy. He was about 10 or 11 so Drama Queen would have been 6 or 7. They were at the age where their main goal in life was irritating the living shit out of each other. This particular night, I'd had it. The conversation went something like this:
Me: If I have to tell you two to stop one more time, I'm going to get up and spank both of you!
Them: whispered pissy comments to each other because if we whisper them, she can't hear.
Me: Storms into kitchen and manages to find DQ first and smacks her.
DQ: Instantly collapses into a paroxysms of tears as if she was just beaten within an inch of her life
I make my way over to Shaggy who is standing by the fridge. This is the first point I now realize he is taller than me....NOT GOOD. I go to smack him and he puts his hand up. I realize I might have a problem here...also NOT GOOD. I then proceed to say the stupidest comment I have ever made as a parent:
Me: PUT YOUR HAND DOWN SO I CAN SMACK YOU
Shaggy: glares
Me: grabs arm and attempts to pull it down, finds out I am having difficulty budging it and once again thinks...NOT GOOD...I'm losing control here. I then make every effort to find a place to smack him (keep in mind his back is against the wall and right side against the fridge, this leaves very limited smacking space) I manage to get a wallop in against his hip which just pisses me off for 2 reasons:
1. It hurt my hand
2. He gave me a look that was so plain it was like I heard the words, "Is that all you got?"
I totally admit to losing control at that point. I'm pretty sure my head was spinning in 360s and a demon voice was being projected. I desperately searched for something to hit him with and found....
A PLASTIC SPOON
Yes, you read that correctly, I so lost control that I attempted to beat my child with a plastic serving spoon. Not one of my prouder parenting moments!
So, my advice to you all is this: enjoy your little kids now when their whole world is you. Call your parents now before it is too late and apologize for all and everything you might ever have done. Seriously think about boarding school for your puberty aged children.
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