So, as you might of guessed from my earlier post, I haven't dealt with a baby in a LOOOOONG time. I've forgotten - so many things! These little beings are WORK...hard work at that. You have to actually watch them. You have to actually be a mommy. You can't take your eyes off them for a second. Personally, I think that this is unfair and the balance is heavily weighted to the devil spawns side. I swear they wait until you are just sitting comfortably watching TV to find mischief. I know they are laughing at us behind our backs.
Case in point - Baby has learned to scoot. Since this has happened, she has discovered their is this whole other world in our house. Her favorite places - Drama Queen's (my 12 year old daughter) room and the bathroom. Now, Drama Queen has nifty little shelves filled with her wonderous collection of snow globes. Baby finds these to be the most beautiful treasures in the world. How does she show her appreciation of these treasures? By repeatedly whacking them against the shelves they are on and then licking them better. A totally appropritate show of affection in her world, I'm sure, but not so much in Drama Queen's world. As a result, we've had to purchase a lock for DQ's door since the door won't stay closed. While we used to hear the swish swish swish of Baby scooting herself down the hallway followed by the ccccrrrrreeeeeaaaaaak of DQ's door being pushed opened and then the thwack thwack slurp of Baby showing her appreciation of DQ's beautiful collection - now, we hear the swish swish swish down the hallway, the angry thwack thwack thwack of Baby hitting the door, followed by some really loud pissed off screaming when she can't get in. Hey kid, life's a bitch - learn to deal! The only good part in all of this is I might actually lose my second ass from all the running around I'm doing but I swear the turkey neck flaps under my arms are cutting off my aerodynamics and slowing me down.
Just the other night, I was sitting comfortably on the couch, watching TV, drinking my glass of wine, and counting down the minutes til Baby's bedtime when I heard this curious splashing sound. I heard it, thought about it, and promptly discarded it. Until I heard it again. And again. At that point, something clicked in my brain....Hey wait, where is the Demon Spawn? I sighed mightly, took a swig of my wine for fortification from the fruit (hey, its my blog and I'll justify if I want) and went on a Baby hunt. Where did I find her? Sitting sweetly gazing intently at her crib with a look of please put me in here? Hell no! I found her standing at the toilet, arm in it up to her shoulder, and splashing merrily away. She had this look of pure joy on her face and her and the bathroom were covered in toilet water. What else could I do but laugh - oh and take several pictures for posterity....just wait til you get a boyfriend, Baby!
Of course, I have fun at her expense. Hence the title. I like to call her Special Ed because when she claps, her hands often miss each other. Then there is the fact that she likes to chew on baby wipes. Baby wipes, you gasp? What self respecting mother would let her baby suck on a wipe? The kind that is too old, too chunky, and too jaded to care! What's a little soap? Hell sometimes I actually give them to her after I've used them to clean her face. MMMMM Soap and crumbs - what a combo.
Baby is well loved, lest you think otherwise from the tone of this post. I'm simply one of those real laid back mom's. I've always been that way. Kids are going to get into stuff...kids are going to hurt themselves...kids are going to do totally disgusting things. Accept it, its a fact of life. As a matter of fact, I left the daycare with tears of laughter streaming down my face the other day because of Baby's antics and one mother's reaction to them. I looked knowingly and smugly at the workers after she left and said - First time mom?? No offense to any first time mom's out there but once you have a second you come to realize - some battles just ain't worth fighting. Its not going to make you a bad mom or hurt your baby if they get sugar before age 3 or god forbid, they touch poop and then lick their fingers. Is that gross, sure! Mostly, it will just give you plenty of stories to embarass them with in later life. Its payback for the days when they no longer think you are cool and would gladly shove you in a closet to avoid their friends meeting you. At any rate, I digress..
Another reason Baby is Special Ed has to do with the daycare. There is a little girl at the daycare who is about 2. This little girl has the sweetest demeanor but she has some special needs. She recently had surgery on her brain to remove fluid and a feeding tube inserted for fluids (apparently, she cannot drink without aspirating the liquid into her lungs). So, they were keeping her in the infant room thinking that the cute, sweet little babies would be less of a risk to her. Baby and her became best buddies. One day, I came to pick up baby and feeding tube girl was sitting by Baby and Baby was playing with something. Come to find out, Baby aka Demon Spawn, had managed to disconnect the feeding tube (and before you go EWWW from her nose??) no it was from a coupler, half the tube ran up the girls nose and the other half went into the backpack. Baby had managed to disconnect the back half and was having a grand old time with her own personal water fountain. I just shook my head and laughed.
There is also a little boy in the infant room (he's a few days older than Baby) who seriously has the biggest head I've ever seen. This kid is beyond cute and sweet but his mother is a head case (that's a post for a whole nother day). So, now Baby has her own daycare posse - it consists of Baby, Helmet Head, and Feeding Tube. YAYYYYY.