Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Shame of It All

I have topped myself. My kleptomania has reached new and extreme heights. I'm now hiding out in my house just waiting for the knock on the door from the coppers. I'm sure it will be any minute now....

It all started about 18 months ago when I was pregnant. I got this really cool bedding set from E-bay but alas, I couldn't find a mobile that would go with it. At our friendly neighborhood Target store, I found a bunny. A bunny that when you pulled the string coming out of his ass, played a sweet lullaby. After a few sleepless weeks months, I may have pulled bunny's ass too hard and ended his music playing days for good! I was very traumatized and I think on the verge of tears at the fact that I killed Bunny but it didn't seem to faze Abby. She still loved Bunny and wouldn't go to bed without it.

(yes, that is a glass of wine on the edge of the picture....after today, I deserve it!)

These days, Bunny is looking worse for wear. His nose is coming unsewn and he's had his fair share of spit up, smashed food, and snot rubbed into his fur. (Yes, I'm well aware that Bunny is pink and that I still refer to him as a he...maybe its a gay Bunny). Despite repeated washings, Bunny is showing his age. We've tried bribing Bunny away with other stuffed animals, like a Pooh and an Eyore, but to no avail. Until today....

Bunny's broken Ass.

While at The Hell on Earth Known as Wal-Mart, we found Bunny's little brother. A little more pink with a working ass. Abby saw it and started clapping and wouldn't relinquish New Bunny. Only one problem, she was eating the tag. I turned to Hubby and asked him if we were, in fact, buying New Bunny and he looked at those big blue eyes (Abby's not New Bunny's) and said he didn't think we'd get it away from her. So, I pulled off the tag in the name of child safety and store cleanliness (we were leaving a trail of chewed paper behind us). In my new efforts to stop stealing, I put the tag in my jacket pocket and told Hubby not to let me forget it was there. You see, I was afraid it would fall out of the cart.

New Bunny!

Complete with working Ass!

I'm sure you see where this is going. Yes, I totally forgot that the tag was in my pocket. Its all the fault of Hunts tomatoes. I had a dented can and Hubby knows what a freak I am about dented cans so like the wonderful husband he is, he ran back to exchange the can. That left me to watch Abby, put up the groceries, make sure I got my price matches, and forget all about the tag.

The dirty evidence.

As we are leaving the store, Hubby asks me if we paid for New Bunny. He starts to laugh as I turn ghost white and get a total look of panic in my eyes. As we are walking to the car, I'm lamenting over the fact that I, ONCE AGAIN, forgot to pay while Hubby's delighting in the fact that I saved us $10.94. I said something along the lines that he'd probably turn me in if the Wally Police came after me and he said that he'd be sure to tell them it wasn't the first thing. Then, laughingly, asked if I managed to pay for the Frappucino. Bastard.


Tina said...

I think there's a meeting you can attend at the local church. *wink* Maybe you could bring the Frappucino.

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

I'm turning you in...hee hee

Deb said...

It's obviously your husband's fault.

Sasha said...

SO something I would do..... I recommend destroying the evidence..... (the tag, not the bunny)