We Wish You....

a very Merry Christmas. From the nuthouse to you and all of yours. In light of the Holiday Season, here are some things I've learned:

1. Me and serious posts do not mix. I can talk about an inability to poo, sex, masturbation, and my coffee cake ad nauseum and get some decent comments. However, the times I attempt to post something serious, I think it scares people. I think they attempt to find the humor in it (since apparently that's what I'm best known for - and a rather juvenile humor at that) and when they can't, its like they didn't get the joke so its better to say nothing.

2. The 40 Year Old Virgin is - THE. BEST. MOVIE. E.V.E.R.! I laughed hysterically at it but is that really any surprise? Dude, you look like a man-o-latern. I totally want to wax Hubby now just so I can use that line.

3. I'm both dreading and anticipating tomorrow. I LOOOOOVE Christmas. To me, there is nothing like seeing your children's eyes light up as they open their gifts. However, I'll be short a child (and a Hubby)tomorrow since Abbado and her father are currently in Pennsylvania. So far, I've managed to hold it together and shed no tears but I'm missing them both terribly.

4. Me and Cosmopolitans - not a good combo. I'm a total lightweight when it comes to booze and after one Cosmo, I'm feeling FIIIIINE - after 2, my lips are as numb as a trip to dentist. Not to mention the fact that I'm sleepy. Yeah, Santa's coming early this year Kiddos, how does an 8:00 bedtime sound?

5. My husband is a brave brave man to leave me the check book when he travels. I've managed to drop almost $300 at Tarjay the last few days and ummm yeah, all our shopping was done.

6. Little ole 5'1.5" me has to wrangle a weight bench that weighs approximately 500 lbs from my bed room to the living room tonight and attempt to wrap it. Since I've also imbibed 2 (and counting) Cosmos this evening - it may end up unwrapped and halfway down the hallway. Did I also mention the 100 lb weight set??? What the fuck was I thinking????

7. Hubby and I didn't write any letters and I can't be mad at him because I sure as shit didn't do mine....so as I sit here slightly buzzed I'm thinking of shopping at an adult website for some more "personal" items. (Don't worry, Ashley, I'm planning on contributing to the preschool fund. I just hope I can find that body butter shit...you know, the stuff that tastes like frosting??) However, I do need to remember that the check book balance is dwindling and not to buy everything I see.

8. Did I mention the numb lips and its only 7:49? Its going to be a long night....these little bastards darlings better not think they are getting up at dark o'fucking clock tomorrow. They are too old for that shit.

So, from my family to yours - warmest wishes for a safe, joyous, and happy Holiday season!