Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Oh the Horror

Is it ironic that Fall starts just before Halloween? Its the time when you have to bust out the jeans. The jeans you haven't worn in months because you've been wearing the shorts you wore before you had the baby that were a larger size. The shorts that you refused to notice were getting.....snug. Now the weather is changing and its time to bring back all the old clothes. Including the torture device known as jeans. These are the brand new jeans you bought about last February. The ones you were so proud to fit into because they were the smallest size sold at Lane Bryant. The ones you spent over $40 on that you justified to Hubby were totally worth it because you weren't ever going to need a larger size again. Yes....those jeans...

The jeans that now feel like you are encasing your thighs in lycra instead of demin. The jeans that make you look like you are pregnant - in your ass! The jeans that show every lump, bump, roll, and wrinkle you've accumulated since the spring.

I might have mentioned that I'm overweight. I have been since my son was born in 1991. Before that, I had the metabolism of dreams. I could eat 2 Big Macs, Fries, and a Chocolate Shake and I still only weighed 99 lbs. Since I had never had a weight problem, I just assumed the pounds would melt away after birth. That I'd wake up and discover that not only had I lost the weight but this new saggy kangaroo pouch was just a nightmare. Sadly, I'm still waiting for that day.

Why don't I just diet? Let me enlighten you, I have. Several times. I've even exercised. Consistency and willpower...that is what I lack. Plus I seem to be on some strange frequency with chocolate as it truly does talk to me. After each of the girls were born, I weighed less than I did when I got pregnant. Somehow though, those pounds found me again. Except they brought friends. And relatives. I'm the queen of convincing myself that its not bad...that I don't look as bad as I imagine. Works great....until I see a mirror.

Now, I have a wedding to go to. In January. I've had over a year to lose this weight slowly and steadily but NOOOOO I like to wait til the heat is on and then have go into diet panic mode. Or deny it until reality slaps me in the ass in the form of jeans that appear to be giving me a reverse camel toe.

Starting Monday, I'm on a diet. There. I've said it publicly. I can't back out now. Its either stick to it or go as Jabba the Hut's girlfriend for Halloween.....

3 comments:

Tina said...

Did I write this post and not realize it? We can do this together girl! I'm starting too as soon as I'm out of this moving hell I'm in. *Heads to the kitchen for ice cream* After all, Monday is still 5 days away. :)

Sasha said...

Jeans are mean. Do you have a treadmill? I know you said you were categorically against running, but I could so help you get started...... The Couch to 5K plan totally changed me from a couch potato to a runner. I run in front of the TV because that's the only way I can get it done.

Rachel said...

I laughed so hard, I cried! I pulled out my jeans (the, ahem, largest size I own...aka the fat jeans) the other day and just couldn't bring myself to see how bad it was. I just left them on the dresser and now everytime I walk in my room, they taunt me.

Oh, and I know this is a misplaced comment, but now I'm a little scared to have kids after reading how much they cost.

Your blog is fab!