Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Times They Are A-Changing

Ok, first off, it took me four times to spell changing...I think my brain is turning to mush.

Fall is definitely upon us here in the Midwest, well, more specifically in my neck of the Midwest. I wouldn't want to speak out of turn for the rest of the region. Even though we don't get the signs of Fall that the East experiences, we do still have some cues that let you know a long winter is peeking out just around the corner:

1. The top news story here is about the firing of Steve Pedersen (AD for University of Nebraska, Lincoln) and the hiring (on an interim basis) of Tom Osbourne to fill his roll. Joking, why no I'm not. This is our news. From September to December, our local news focuses exclusively on the Huskers. Since I'm not from here, and the people in this area are rapid about their football team, college football at that, I chose to be a Husker Hater. I like watching the people here have their faces turn as red as their requisite Husker T-shirt or sweatshirt and their eyes bug out of their heads when I say the Huskers suck. Its good times for me. (For the record, I don't have a college affliation but *IF* I had to chose one, I'd say Penn State since Hubby's from there and BIL & SIL graduated from there. Disclaimer: this is not saying I'm a Penn State fan)

2. The temperature here goes from Hot as the Pits of Hell to Turn on the Furnace OVERNIGHT. During the course of a day, people in this state have been known to be running air conditioning to heat in the span of 12 hours. During the next 12, the cycle can easily be reversed. There are 4 seasons in Nebraska, however, they are: Wear a Sweatshirt (Fall), Wear the heaviest winter jacket you have with gloves, thermal underwear, scarf, hat and remembering to start your car AT LEAST 30 minutes before you want to leave (Winter), Wear a sweatshirt, T-shirt, and shorts because its chilly in the morning and hot enough to make you sweat in the afternoon (Spring), Wear the minimal amount of clothing you can to avoid an indecent exposure charge and avoid any public place that does not have air conditioning (Summer)

3. Rain. And lots of it. Fall rain is different from spring rain. Spring rain brings about violent crashing storms. You know you've lived here too long if instead of taking safe shelter during the blaring tornado sirens, you stand outside to see if you can catch site of it and comment on how the sky is looking green. Spring storms rarely last long before the rain lets up and you are subjected to crushing humidity. Fall rain is dreary. Its been raining for 3 days here. Its gray and miserable looking outside. Its damp and chilly. To me, there is nothing fun about fall rain because in a flash it could turn to (a) snow or (b) freezing drizzle causing car wrecks at every intersection on the way home.

4. Its dark when you get up and dark when you leave work. Talk about depressing! Nothing like only existing on flourescent lighting for 6 months of the year.

I am an oddity (yeah, like you haven't guessed that from my other posts) in that I really don't like fall. It only signals to me that winter is coming. I don't walk around saying things like, "Isn't the snap in the air great?" "Don't the trees look so cool and spooky for Halloween with no leaves?" "Isn't it nice to not have to deal with it being 97 degrees and a heat index of 125?" To me, the perfect conditions would be spring all year round, only slightly warmer. Say a nice 80 to 85 degrees with a breeze. I think I get a little down in the dumps during the changes (God help my husband when I hit menopause then!) so I figured I'd compile my list to God:

If you're listening God (which you probably aren't due to the Weepin' Jesus and all) grant me this:
1. Perfect Weather all year. You can even leave those wicked thunderstorms in. I like to sit outside with a glass of wine soda and watch the lightning. I like the smell of warm rain. Ok, good on that?
2. Make my jeans fit again without me doing any work. Ok so I know that's a pipe dream so we'll just move on...
3. Send my Sox to the Series again. I know you have the power to do this, you did it in 2004.
4. Since I'm asking and all...would it be too much to ask that there is magically either less bills or more money?
5. Can you work on the prices of gas and milk, both of which I use in large quantities. And on the milk thing, if you could just fix that for Ashley in her neck of the woods, it would be appreciated. I owe her one since she listed me on her blog roll and all.
6. Can you make sure that Shaggy stays smart and safe as he enters the dangerous woods known as Almost Grown? I've done my part and now its time for me to let go. Yeah, I need some help with that part too!
7. Can you speed up the puberty process in the Dancer so that she makes it through the teenage years without me killing her and/or becoming an alcoholic?
8. We appreciate Baby and all but can you remind the little Satan Spawn darling who rules the roost? And while we're at it, can you make sure she talks soon so that I won't run out of material for this blog?
9. Can you just eliminate Nascar? It sure would make me a happier woman.
10. Can you eliminate Hubby's craptastic (sorry Sash stealing your word here) taste in music? I know he'd say I have craptastic (that really is a fabulous word) taste but I don't. I don't own every hair band album known to man. As a matter of fact, can you just eliminate the categories of Arena Rock and Hair Bands altogether??? (I know I'm probably offending some but dammit these cd's are just taking up valuable space in our CD player for ones I, Duran Duran and Prince and maybe some George Michael - just to show I too have some craptastic taste but the difference is, I like these. I do not like Warrant, Poison, Dio, Dokken, Winger, Kix, etc)


Sasha said...

I am sure you are figuring out where I am from, what from the baby contest pictures and all, but if not, one more clue: I have personally done the switch from cool to heat and back again in the span of 12 hours many times.

Also, you can pretty much put "tastic" on the end of any word and make it super-cool: trashtastic, craptastic, shittastic, etc. And thanks for saying I'm cool- right back atcha.

Kate said...

I got it...but your secret is safe with me! Just wish it was closer, it would be awetastic (yeah that didn't work) to hang out!

Tina said...

Well I'm lost. Of course, I'm the oddball of us three by being in Hell-I mean outside of DC.

Mrs. Whogas said...

HUSKERS SUCK!!! Yay for someone who agrees with me....we live in the roundabout area of the Iowa side of Omaha - so I too, am tired of every f'ing news station using the Huskers as their lead off story. There can be a gazillion murders in Iowa and they'd STILL talk about what that sucktastic team had for breakfast. BLEK!

Kate said...

Ahhhh sweet....someone close to me who feels my pain!